Columbia Law Revue

Columbia

to "America" from West Side Story

Columbia, where lawyers are bred
Students too lazy for pre-med
Always the class choices blowing
Always the population growing
And the money owing
And work multiplying
And the students crying
I wish I'd gotten into Yale
But federal clerkships don't pay well!

I like to be at Columbia
Okay by me at Columbia
All EIP at Columbia
Nothing for free at Columbia

I sold all my hornbooks today
Why didn't you give them away? (To PILF!)
Studying civ pro is so fun
Till the first time you get called on

Get up at noon at Columbia
William and June at Columbia
Register soon at Columbia
1Ls are doomed at Columbia

Lots of job opportunities
Not with good firms if you get Bs
I'll be a partner at Cravath
Wachtell pays way more, you dumbass

Work till you drop at Columbia
Get mugged and shot at Columbia
Grading's a crock at Columbia
Law Revue rocks at Columbia

No one here cares about the law
It's the six figures we're here for
I will help people out en masse
Not with that grade in your torts class

Too many books at Columbia
Defending crooks at Columbia
Hate what I took at Columbia
You forget I'm at Columbia

I think I'll transfer to U. Penn.
I know a train leaving at ten
Everyone there will give big cheer
Too bad they're not in the top tier!

Puerto Rico, my heart's devotion
Let it sink back in the ocean
Always the hurricanes blowing
Always the population growing
And the money owing
And the sunlight streaming
And the natives steeming
I like the Island Manhattan
Smoke on your pipe and put that in!

I like to be in America
Okay by me in America
Everything free in America
For a small fee in America

Buying on credit is so nice
One look at us and they charge twice
I have my own washing machine
What will you have though to keep clean

Skyscapers bloom in America
Cadillacs zoom in America
Industry boom in America
Twelve in a room in America

Lots of new housing with more space
Lots of doors slamming in our face
I'll get a terrace apartment
Better get rid of your accent

Life can be bright in America
If you can fight in America
Life is all right in America
If you're a white in America

Here you are free and you have pride
As long as you stay on your own side
Free to be anything you choose
Free to wipe tables and shine shoes

Everywhere grime in America
Organized crime in America
Terrible time in America
You forget I'm in America

I think I'd go back to San Juan
I know a boat you can get on
Everyone there will give big cheer
Everyone there will have moved here!

Lyrics