Fugue for Law Firms to "Fugue for Tinhorns" from Guys & Dolls

I've got my schedule here for interviews this year
An August start for this part of my law career
Paul Weiss, Paul Weiss, at noon I'll go see Paul Weiss
Dean Wayne says to see Paul Weiss, Paul Weiss, Paul Weiss
Jones Day, Jones Day, at two I'll go see Jones Day
And then I'll go see Fried Frank, Fried Frank, Fried Frank
There's Mayer Brown at four and Simpson's right next door
I jump from room to room like a high-class whore,
A whore, a whore, I'm just like a high-class whore
If that means I won't be poor, I'll be a whore
I'll have to grab a bite with Skadden Arps tonight
Filet mignon on them is a real delight
A whore, a whore, I'm just like a high-class whore
If that means I won't be poor, I'll be a whore
Skadden Arps! I've got the firm right here!

There's Dewey Ballantine, Wachtell's at half past nine
I hear Irell sure knows how to wine and dine
The booze, the booze, I'm just in this for the booze
That's something I won't refuse, the booze, the booze
Now Ropes and Gray may be the perfect firm for me
Because the only subject I know's IP
IP, IP, the subject I know, IP
Yes, it fits me to a T, IP, IP
But Dewey Ballantine might be the most benign
I hear that most their partners ain't got a spine
The booze, the booze, I'm just in this for the booze
Ballantine! I got the firm right here

But look at Davis Polk, it's full of snotty folks
At least their signing bonus is not a joke
Big bucks, big bucks, this firm gives its folks big bucks
It's more than beginner's luck, big bucks, big bucks
And just a minute, boys, if you've got grace and poise
I hear the white shoe folk work at Debevoise
High class, high class, that guy says the firm's high class
Miss Manners can kiss my ass, high class, high class
So Cleary wants a date, but they'll just have to wait
While I step outside to go urinate
Debevoise! I got the firm right here!
I got the horse right here, the name is Paul Revere
And here's a guy that says that the weather's clear
Can do, can do, this guy says the horse can do
If he says the horse can do, can do, can do
Can do, can do, this guy says the horse can do
If he says the horse can do, can do, can do
For Paul Revere I'll bite, I hear his foot's all right
Of course it all depends if it rained last night
Likes mud, likes mud, this X means the horse likes mud
If that means the horse likes mud, likes mud, likes mud
I tell you Paul Revere, now this is no bum steer
It's from a handicapper that's real sincere
Can do, can do, this guy says the horse can do
If he says the horse can do, can do, can do
Paul Revere! I got the horse right here!

I'm pickin' Valentine, 'cause on the morning line
A guy has got him figured at five to nine
Has chance, has chance, this guy says the horse has chance
If he says the horse has chance, has chance, has chance
I know it's Valentine, the morning work looks fine
Besides the jockey's brother's a friend of mine
Needs race, needs race, this guy says the horse needs race
If he says the horse needs race, needs race, needs race
I go for Valentine, 'cause on the morning line,
The guy has got him figured at five to nine
Has chance, has chance, this guy says the horse has chance
Valentine! I got the horse right here!

But look at Epitaph, he wins it by a half
According to this here in the Telegraph
Big threat, big threat, this guy calls the horse big threat
If he calls the horse big threat, big threat, big threat
And just a minute, boys, I've got the feed box noise
It says the great-grandfather was Equipoise
Shows class, shows class, this guy says the horse shows class
If he says the horse shows class, shows class, shows class
So make it Epitaph, he wins it by a half
According to this here in the Telegraph
Epitaph! I got the horse right here!

Original lyrics copyright © 2005. All rights reserved.