Columbia Law Revue

Miers Got Jack

to "Baby Got Back" by Sir Mix-a-Lot

Oh my god, Becky, look at Harriet Miers.
She is so conservative.
She looks like one of those congressmen.
Who understands those congressmen anyway?
They only talk to her because she's close to Bush, 'kay?
I mean, her views, they're just so traditional.
I can't believe Bush thought her nomination would go through.
I mean, come on. Look!
She's just so... Republican!

I like law chicks and cannot lie
You other fellas can't deny
That when a girl walks in with her copyrights book
And the class notes she just took
You get floored, wanna run out the door
And hit her library floor
Deep in the bag she's holdin'
Obsessed with the pages she's foldin'
Oh baby, I wanna come closer
Like Richard Posner
The b-school tried to warn me
But this law you got makes me so horny

Ooh, sexy lady
You wanna be in Miers' class?
Well look on Lawnet
I'm a serious EIP prof vet
I've seen her teachin'
To hell with her preachin'
She's nuts, a putz
She ain't got nothing on the rest of us
I'm tired of adjunct peeps
Giving me all of this beef
Take the average professor and ask him that
Miers ain't got jack

So, fellas! (Yeah!) Fellas! (Yeah!)
Does my class take the cake? (Hell yeah!)
Lecture! (Lecture!) Lecture! (Lecture!)
Keep that lecture going
Miers got jack

Dallas lawyer with a Houston face
Dallas lawyer with a Houston face

You know you can't resist
You know you got the gist
You can't dissent my argument, it's so clear
Don't be Scalia
I want you in my class
And ungh, listening, ungh, ungh
I ain't talking 'bout civ pro
'Cause Federal Rules just ain't my flow
I'll get lots of those offers
From all the hot employers
Miers is a destroyer
Doesn't know how to be a lawyer
Law chicks walking down the hall
Trying to decide course number to call
She won't take Miers pitfall
She'll take my class and show y'all

A word to the law chick hotties
You wanna be naughty
And take EIP Friday
But I gotta be straight when, I say I wanna teach
Till the break of dawn
I've got it goin' on
Transfers won't like this song
'Cause them punks will sign with Miers
But will they all get hired?
'Cause I'm a sell, so, well
I was a partner at Wachtell
So ladies! (Yeah!) Ladies! (Yeah!)
Do you wanna learn how to interview? (Yeah!)
Then turn around, sign it up
Even Bushy's got to shout
Miers got jack

Yeah baby, when it comes to EIP,
Miers ain't got nothing on me. 9-13-51?
Would have been good if she could have actually gotten confirmed!

So Miers thought she was so cool
Tellin' Bush all of the legal rules
But Bush ain't never gone and went to law school
My anaconda don't want none unless you got buns, hon
You can learn about kissing ass
Just don't do it with Miers
Some professors wanna play that hard role
And tell you Miers is gold
So they leave you, deceive you
And I pull up quick to retrieve you
The registrar says I'm full
Well that's a load of bull
'Cause you'll sign up quick and don't get pissed
You'll get in off the waitlist
To Harriet Miers and her SMU
Is that even a law school?
This ain't DC, and it ain't Texas
Welcome to New York
Some LLM tried to dis
'Cause he tried to be on my list
But first years get the preference
So European kids, have deference
So ladies, if you take EIP
And you want a job that's marquee
Dial 1-900 (INSERT NAME)
And watch me teach in awe
Miers got jack!

Little in the head and she ain't got jack!

Oh, my, god. Becky, look at her butt.
It is so big.
She looks like one of those rap guys' girlfriends.
But, y'know, who understands those rap guys?
They only talk to her, because, she looks like a total prostitute, 'kay?
I mean, her butt, is just so big.
I can't believe it's just so round, it's like, out there.
I mean, gross. Look!
She's just so... black!

I like big butts and I can not lie
You other brothers can't deny
That when a girl walks in with an itty bitty waist
And a round thing in your face
You get sprung, wanna pull out your tough
'Cause you notice that butt was stuffed
Deep in the jeans she's wearing
I'm hooked and I can't stop staring
Oh baby, I wanna get wit'cha
And take your picture
My homeboys tried to warn me
But with that butt you got makes me feel so horny

Ooh, Rump-o'-smooth-skin
You say you wanna get in my Benz?
Well, use me, use me
'Cause you ain't that average groupy
I've seen them dancin'
The hell with romancin'
She's sweat, wet,
Got it goin' like a turbo 'Vette
I'm tired of magazines
Sayin' flat butts are the thing
Take the average black man and ask him that
She gotta pack much back

So, fellas! (Yeah!) Fellas! (Yeah!)
Has your girlfriend got the butt? (Hell yeah!)
Tell 'em to shake it! (Shake it!) Shake it! (Shake it!)
Shake that healthy butt!
Baby got back!

L.A. face with Oakland booty
L.A. face with Oakland booty

I like 'em round, and big
And when I'm throwin' a gig
I just can't help myself, I'm actin' like an animal
Now here's my scandal
I wanna get you home
And ungh, double-up, ungh, ungh
I ain't talkin' bout Playboy
'Cause silicone parts are made for toys
I want 'em real thick and juicy
So find that juicy double
Mix-a-Lot's in trouble
Beggin' for a piece of that bubble
So I'm lookin' at rock videos
Knock-kneeded bimbos walkin' like hoes
You can have them bimbos
I'll keep my women like Flo Jo

A word to the thick soul sistas
I wanna get with ya
I won't cuss or hit ya
But I gotta be straight when I say I wanna *ungh*
Til the break of dawn
Baby got it goin' on
A lot of simps won't like this song
'Cause them punks like to hit it and quit it
And I'd rather stay and play
'Cause I'm long, and I'm strong
And I'm down to get the friction on
So, ladies! (Yeah!) Ladies! (Yeah)
If you wanna role in my Mercedes (Yeah!)
Then turn around! Stick it out!
Even white boys got to shout
Baby got back!

Yeah, baby, when it comes to females,
Cosmo ain't got nothing to do with my selection. 36-24-36?
Ha ha, only if she's 5'3"

So your girlfriend rolls a Honda
Playin' workout tapes by Fonda
But Fonda ain't got a motor in the back of her Honda
My anaconda don't want none unless you've got buns, hun
You can do side bends or sit-ups,
But please don't lose that butt
Some brothers wanna play that "hard" role
And tell you that the butt ain't gold
So they toss it and leave it
And I pull up quick to retrieve it
So Cosmo says you're fat
Well I ain't down with that!
'Cause your waist is small and your curves are kickin'
And I'm thinkin' bout stickin'
To the beanpole dames in the magazines
You ain't it, Miss Thing!
Give me a sista, I can't resist her
Red beans and rice didn't miss her
Some knucklehead tried to dis
'Cause his girls are on my list
He had game but he chose to hit 'em
And I pull up quick to get wit 'em
So ladies, if the butt is round,
And you want a triple X throw down
Dial 1-900-MIX-A-LOT
And kick them nasty thoughts
Baby got back!

Little in the middle but she got much back

Lyrics