Columbia Law Revue

Raise My B

to "Grow for Me" from Little Shop of Horrors

I am a real gunner
I'm all about school
But this grade that you gave me
Suits a student who drools
Oh, distinguished professor
You hold all the keys
Oh, please
Raise my B!

I went to your lectures
I took real good notes
You've given me nothing
But a grade that blows goats
I'm begging you sweetly
I'm down on my knees
Oh, please
Raise my B!

Highlighted in five lovely colors
And underlined, too
I volunteered answers ev'ry day
Just to please you
I outlined for two hundred pages
And did it myself
Went to BarBri review and ate only healthfood
Now you want me to go straight to hell?!

I read all your articles
I stayed after class
You've given me nothing
But a kick in the... tush
Oh, distinguished professor
You are such a tease
Oh please, oh oh oh pleeeease!
Raise my B!

I've given you sunshine
I've given you dirt
You've given me nothing
But heartache and hurt
I'm beggin' you sweetly
I'm down on my knees
Oh, please
Grow for me!

I've given you plant food
And water to sip
I've given you potash
You've given me zip
Oh God, how I mist you
Oh pod, how you tease
Now, please
Grow for me!

I've given you southern exposure
To get you to thrive
I've pinched you back hard like I'm s'posed ta
You're barely alive
I've tried you at levels of moisture
From desert to mud
I've given you grow-lights and mineral supplements
What do you want from me, blood?

I've given you sunlight
I've given you rain
Looks like you're not happy
'Less I open a vein
I'll give you a few drops
If that'll appease
Now please, oh oh oh pleeeease!
Grow for me!

Lyrics