Columbia Law Revue

Suddenly Schizer

to "Suddenly Seymour" from Little Shop of Horrors

All of my friends were philosophy majors
They think it's easy, I just don't know
I thought this class would give me new perspectives
It's such a mish-mash, I think it blows

Suddenly, Schizer has gutted Perspectives
Screw legal realists, they're hard to defend
Suddenly, Schizer has heard all our whinings
He's so responsive, Schizer's our friend

Nobody ever made me take econ
I thought that law school meant reading, not math
I sit in class and they're drawing supply curves
I feel like Reg State can just kiss my ass

But Suddenly, Schizer has just killed off Reg State
No more Pareto, supply nor demand
Suddenly, Schizer has heard all our whinings
He's so responsive, Schizer's our friend

Tell me this change will be retroactive
Tell me the bad times are clean, washed away
I want all those hours of my goddamn life back
And all of those dollars of tuition I paid!

Suddenly, Schizer changed the requirements
Buh-bye Perspectives, so long Reg State
Suddenly, Schizer has opened a new world
Of 1L electives
Of 1L electives
Of 1L electives
Schizer's da man!

Lift up your head, wash off your mascara
Here, take my Kleenex, wipe that lipstick away
Show me your face, clean as the mornin'
I know things were bad, but now they're okay

Suddenly Seymour is standin' beside you
You don't need no makeup, don't have to pretend
Suddenly Seymour is here to provide you
Sweet understanding, Seymour's your friend

Nobody ever treated me kindly
Daddy left early, mama was poor
I'd meet a man and I'd follow him blindly
He'd snap his fingers, me, I'd say "sure"

Suddenly Seymour is standin' beside me
He don't give me orders, he don't condescend
Suddenly Seymour is here to provide me
Sweet understanding, Seymour's my friend

Tell me this feeling'll last till forever
Tell me the bad times are clean washed away
Please understand that it's still strange and frightening
For losers like I've been it's so hard to say

Suddenly Seymour, he purified me
Suddenly Seymour, he showed me I can
Learn how to be more the girl that's inside me
With sweet understanding
With sweet understanding
With sweet understanding
Seymour's my man!

Lyrics