Columbia Law Revue

The Gunner Went Down to Con Law

to "The Devil Went Down to Georgia" by The Charlie Daniels Band

The gunner went down to Con Law
He was desperate to get an A
He wanted the best grade on the test
Or there'd be hell to pay
When he spied himself a student
Trying desperately to cram
The gunner looked at his work with a little smirk
And said, "Good luck on the exam
But I've seen you chilling out
While I was in the library
And if you're not last in this damn class
You'll be lucky to get a B
You must have been real smart to get
A magna cum from Yale
But now that you're in law school
I'll lay odds you're gonna fail"
The student said, "Hey, asswipe
You sure have got some nerve
But I'll take your bet, you're gonna regret
You're not gonna bust this curve"

Gunners, read your hornbooks well and prep your outlines fast
'Cause there's a lot of students, each one smarter than the last
And if you win, you'll get invited to join Law Review
But someone's always gunning after you

The gunner opened SofTest
And it made his laptop freeze
And he lost ten crucial minutes
As he prayed upon his knees
And then he read the question
But the answer gave him pause
Should he use the Police Power
Or the Dormant Commerce Clause?

Gunner wasn't done when time was up
And he knew his goose was cooked
But Johnny had finished an hour ago
Turned in his disk and booked

Raise your hand and gun, boy, gun
Work that test until it's done
But none of that matters in the long haul
Just one test decides it all

The gunner bowed his head because
He knew that he'd been beat,
And he gave up his dream of clerking
At Justice Rehnquist's feet
When grades came out in August
Johnny laughed at him with glee
"You can smile and gloat and be cutthroat
But everyone gets a B"

He said, "Raise your hand and gun, boy, gun
Work that test until it's done
But none of that matters in the long haul
Just one test decides it all"

The devil went down to Georgia
He was lookin' for a soul to steal
He was in a bind 'cause he was way behind
And he was willin' to make a deal
When he came upon this young man
Sawin' on a fiddle and playin' it hot
And the devil jumped up on a hickory stump
And said, "Boy, let me tell you what
I guess you didn't know it
But I'm a fiddle player too
And if you care to take a dare
I'll make a bet with you
Now you play a pretty good fiddle, boy
But give the devil his due
I'll bet a fiddle of gold against your soul
'Cause I think I'm better than you"
The boy said, "My name's Johnny
And it might be a sin
But I'll take your bet, and you're gonna regret
'Cause I'm the best there's ever been"

Johnny, rosin up your bow and play your fiddle hard
'Cause hell's broke loose in Georgia, and the devil deals the cards
And if you win you get this shiny fiddle made of gold
But if you lose the devil gets your soul

The devil opened up his case
And he said, "I'll start this show"
And fire flew from his fingertips
As he rosined up his bow
Then he pulled the bow across the strings
And it made a evil hiss
And a band of demons joined in
And it sounded something like this

When the devil finished, Johnny said
"Well you're pretty good, old son
Just sit right in that chair right there
And let me show you how it's done"

He played Fire on the Mountain, run, boys, run
The devil's in the House of the Rising Sun
Chicken in a bread pan picken' out dough
Granny does your dog bite, no, child, no

The devil bowed his head because
He knew that he'd been beat
And he laid that golden fiddle
On the ground at Johnny's feet
Johnny said, "Devil, just come on back
If you ever wanna try again
I done told you once, you son of a gun
I'm the best there's ever been"

He played Fire on the Mountain, run, boys, run
The devil's in the House of the Rising Sun
Chicken in a bread pan picken' out dough
Granny does your dog bite, no, child, no

Lyrics